My toes...My knees...My shoulder...My head...
I wish I could sing that song without even bothering seeing those dark spotted lashes in my body.
I wish I could dance in the rain and take a weep for a little while without noticing the tears begun to spurt.
I wish I could shout out loud to to draw out those unspoken words.
I wish I could fly high above the sky to step out from the deepest ravine of darkness.
But you know what dad if only I'll be given just for one wish, that is to have the best daddy in this world.
I love you dad even if you don't love me back. Even if many times you renounce me still I want to feel closer to you. I've been told by uncle Peter that oftentimes daddies are not expressive. I remember how you rushed me off to the hospital because my head was bleeding and so maybe you still care even for a little. You flogged at me yet I was not in protest, no moaning just a silent agony.
I love you dad and I love you more each day.
When I was a kid you used of pointing me with your outspoken words," I wish you've never born.!". Every time I committed simple mistakes the same words i heard over and over again. I was just seven and I couldn't understand what you were trying to say dad. Queries begun to struggle out of my inquisitive innocent mind....And years go by, now that I utterly became a man, I begun to assimilate what those words mean and It's always been a nightmare to me. It was then, I was terribly ashamed in the dark because it's always you and your words I could hear, I could clearly see.
Counting the years.....It's been ten years after I decided to leave. I ought to leave because I would like to search myself and to know my worth living in this world. Though great famine once came but a free man is happier than an inmate one with food. I strive hard dad then I learned how to make a living...what is LIFE all about and to whom I'm living for. I've seen how beautiful God's creations are. I learned how to appreciate the wonders of this world. I went off places and walked through along the tranquil ambiance of the forest where the bird that sings...the tree that waves....and the stream that sounds. But I'll be back dad and perhaps it was best decisions after all not just for me but for you also to be healed. I gave you space. I gave you time.. I love you dad and I love you more each day...
Dad, it was not me whom to be blamed about mom's sudden DEATH. No one wished about that dreadful and hurtful incident. I was just a new born baby...Though I wasn't there to share my profound sympathy to you dad...Though I couldn't hear you agonizing such unbearable pain. Now I can figure it out dad. Dad, if only I would have known that mom will die after my birth then I would have killed myself in mom's womb. Maybe you could killed me then so I wont suffer your never ending blame. If you cried then I cried too. If you are feeling lost then more so I. Dad, nothing could even more painful to me now because even just for once I had never been given a chance to touch my mom's face....to clasp her....to hear mom's lullabies and how I yearn for the CARE and LOVE of a mother. Then later did I realize that as soon as mom DIED you also became DEAD.
Dad, I'm dying......
I'm so happy that you can now totally see. I thanked God for your eye-transplant was successful and I prayed so hard. Right here in this moment you are reading my letter and my LAST....Dad you don't have to search me where I am now . I'll be back as what I promised.....I hope you can see now how much I love you dad because I have my eyes on you.
Take my EYES as you take my LOVE....
Now, It's your turn to see what I've witnessed out of this world....
To see LIFE..To see HOPE and To see LOVE
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